You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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