if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Are my feet made of real feet?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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