and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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