Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
