my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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