is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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