So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
