I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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