i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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