My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
