2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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