There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
