Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
