i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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