A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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