Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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