Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
