I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
