take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
