I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
