Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
