why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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