so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
