every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
