Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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