well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
