i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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