oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What drink are we having for lunch?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
