you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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