Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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