how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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