So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
