FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
