thus making me awesome and them whores
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize