I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
