So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
