Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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