He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
