i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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