I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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