im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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