You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
