am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he thought i was a dude.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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