some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
