i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
