I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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