So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I supernannyed him into submission
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
