dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
