Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
