Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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