I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
