i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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