I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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