This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize