I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
