I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
