It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
