oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i out mim tonsoeep
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