Dual....:-)
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
