If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
