So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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