You just made me feel so damn special
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
