I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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