he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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