I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize