his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
