fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
