i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
