omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she smelled like a LAN party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
