Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
