See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
