yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
