It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
