i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
