oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
