i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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