My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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